Some miracle pills

It’s been years that I’ve been noticing that my emotions were not matching my thoughts. Anxiety, specifically, was killing me. I was anxious all the time, even when I had nothing to worry about, and I was experiencing an unbeliable intolerance to interruptions that was depleting my energy every single day.

The situation was so severe that I started to consider the possibility that I maybe suffered from ADHD or even autism, which if true, would require medication and therapy.

Most important, I started to notice some behaviours in my 4-year-old daughter that were so damn similar to mine that made me worry that whatever was afflicting me could also be afflict my daughter now or in the future. I wanted to be able to know what to do to help if she ever goes through what I’ve been going through.

Since I’ve had a good experience using the public health care system in the small city I’m currently living in, I’ve decided to give it a try and see a psychiatrist, to check if he would have any diagnosis for me.

So I followed the procedures, consulted with a doctor, who filed the papers for me to have apointments with both a psychiatrist and a psycologist. Then I had to wait for a spot, which took several weeks, until I was called to have my first consultation with the psychiatrist.

Not gonna lie, my first impression was not positive. I had the impression that the psychiatrist talked much more than he listened. The consultation lasted a few minutes and he prescribed me 2 medications in small dosages, and asked me to pay attention to the effects. Then, the next time I talked to him we could discuss the results of the medication and discuss the next steps.

All that I wanted is to keep my emotions under control, while keeping my mind the way it was. I wanted my emotions to match my thoughts. I wanted not to feel anxious even when I was not worrying about anything, and I wanted to be able to tolerate interruptions better, since they are absolutely unavoidable.

What was my surprise when that was precisely what happened after I started taking my medication.

Since I started taking the pills, I still get pissed and frustrated, and interruptions still annoy the fuck out of me… however, the intensity of such negative emotions was greatly reduced, and the permanent anxiety is gone.

I stopped feeling overwhelmed with too much accumulated work, and not matter how stressed my day is, I don’t feel depleted of energy at night. I even started to go to bed earlier, and I don’t feel the urge to work more at night to compensate for everything I couldn’t get done during the night.

Most important: I haven’t noticed any side effects whatsoever. My mind is the same. My wife doesn’t feel like I’m someone else. I’m the exact same guy, only with a better mood and more mental energy at the end of the night.

The only word that comes to mind to describe the effects of this medication is miracle. That’s how it feels.

Now I have only one concern: will I have to take these pills for the rest of my life?

I hope not. I hope that my body will adapt to this new state, and someday I can be like this even without the pills.

But honestly, I won’t be sad if I have to keep taking my miracle pills.