I started my journey of actively finding meaning in my life in 2015

I believe it’s a never ending quest and, actually, I like it that way.

I don’t know what was the trigger though.

Was it the sudden death of my manager in 2012? My arthritis diagnosed on my left foot at 25 years old? The many conversations I had with friends about our future plans?

Who knows…

All I know is, in 2015, I decided to make a change in my life and it started with three breakups: my then boyfriend, my corporate job and… myself.

I realized I didn’t like where my life was heading to. And I especially didn’t like where my mind was at.

It was so noisy in my head

I just couldn’t think clearly and was too negative about a lot of things.

I would get mad for days or upset for nothing. And then I’d feel bad because I hurt someone with something I’ve said or done.

I wanted to break free from this negative pattern and decided to pack my bags and travel solo for some time.

Not the smartest decision, considering that I still had a student loan to pay at that time, but that’s what I felt was the right thing to do.

I unexpectedly found peace…

…while working as a volunteer in a farm in Brazil.

I remember thinking “I could die today and I’d have no regrets because I finally found peace in my mind”.

For a brief moment, there was no more noise.

It didn’t last long though but I could glimpse little breaks from my impulsive thoughts more and more overtime.

And so have I figured out my life yet?

I thought that when people had figured out their life, it meant that they had found their passions and were working hard on it non stop.

That’s why I tried so many things always thinking ‘this is it, doing crochet (or calligraphy, or yoga, or life coaching…) is my purpose in life’.

But now I understand that ‘finding meaning in life’ should not be considered as an end goal but rather as a way to live in the present moment.

Think about what brings meaning in your life every day.

For me, it’s the time spent with Ellie and Davidson or when I get to practice yoga, meditation or simply writing.

I enjoy seeing Ellie eating her açai every Wednesday evenings, or when we go to the supermarket or the local market to buy fruits and veggies, or when Ellie wakes up in the morning and hugs me,…

I find meaning in my life in those sweet little moments.

That’s when I feel like I’m in the zone where there is no space for past and future.